FAIL - creative persuits

This morning I woke up to my phone ringing, it was my friend John. John invited me to a party tonight and I accepted. I got up from my squishy water bed and proceeded to my shower. Afterwards, I got dressed and put on my favorite red hat then proceeded to go out top my car And pick up James. When i got to James' house he was wearing the same number 88 jersey he always wears. We shotgunned a couple beers then went to go get John. When we got there he offered us a couple shots which he knew we never turn down a free drink then he went and put on a blue shirt that smelled like pizza which made us hungry so we trekked over to little C's. We each ate a medium pizza to ourselves then we went to the party. After arriving, a few of us had a chugging contest and I chose milk. When I won the contest I was awarded six beer and I shotgunned three of them in a row and so they gave me two more. over the course of the next hour I finished the rest of the beer. I was smashed so I thought it would be a good idea to mingle. It wasn't. I found John and James and when I smelled john's shit I gagged then pushed him aside and well ..... became a human fountain. As soon as I had finished blowing chunks John spewed and together we coated the dance floor with milk, beer, pizza, and chips. Sufficed to say I'm never allowed to go to Teds house ever again.